Shift it into Autopilot

So today was a big day.  It was the first day that I have taken the kids to school this year.  A task I was previously unable to accomplish due to a range of issues.  So I had relied on family and friends to take the girls to school and pick them up each day for the last two weeks.  But since I have been feeling somewhat better I decided that it is time for me to 'test the waters'...  and I think I did pretty good.  I delivered them both on time, and with minimal heart palpitations.  I did however notice just how 'out of it' I have gotten.

I had mentioned this feeling to a few people over the long weekend, just about how I generally feel like I am either zoned out or just going through the motions, similar to flying on autopilot.  I feel like I'm just going through the day and doing what I absolutely HAVE to do.  I notice that I turn on the TV but I don't really give a rip what is on, I don't really laugh at the comedies, nor do I feel sad at the dramas.  It's a strange feeling to have, or should I say, not have.

The people that I talked to about this said that it is probably just that the brain chemicals are still out of whack and I need to give it all more time to right itself.  I guess this sounds logical, but it's sort of hard to drive when you find yourself randomly staring at the license plate of the car in front of you.  Or when you can't decide if you want to lay down and rest or actually try to accomplish something.

Other than feeling like a completely indecisive and emotion-less zombie, I think I am physically fine.  I am back to eating a somewhat normal amount of food, and I can finally take a full size bite and drink water without sipping it!  And my stomach is not continually churning and burning.  I would say that physically I am probably about 90% - with the 10% missing being energy, muscle strength, and some random stomach pains.

However, mentally I am struggling.  I would say somewhere between 70-75% not much is holding my attention at this point.  My hope is that this will get better, and that things will stabilize and I'll find myself doing normal things again, and perhaps even enjoying them.  At this point I'm not even interested in doing crafts (*gasp* how can that be?).

I had to take the semester off of school, and honestly I am really glad I did.  I can't imagine trying to keep up and stay focused, when I can't even maintain interest in a 30 minute TV show.  But like everything, that choice has consequences too, like no loan money to help pay for Adrianne's school...  luckily though, J got a raise, so I think we will be okay financially.

Well I guess tomorrow is another day, and we will try the driving thing again.  Alexa came home early today because she told the teacher that she felt sick (however she seems just fine to me).  Hopefully tomorrow she will make it though the day.  Time to put the potatoes and carrots in my roast, and Adrianne has a special pre-school night at the elementary school tonight - which J will have to take her because I don't think my heart can take any more today.